most people won't get this
they see nakedness and not see intellect behind it
i'm 30
they going say stupid shit like i'm nasty
but i'm free
and my body belongs to me, even if mama sees
so if ur celebrating me i welcome
if you hating me i welcome
i'm challenging, you need an opinion with me
but welcome to 30 baby boi
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My soul mate
This is the second to last poem I will write about you
Not many people will know us
The secrets we kept
The vodka and waterbed moments
The way I felt I was your man
How I thought I could protect you even from death
The way I thought you were my woman because I could be weak around you
Not many people could know us
The kisses in back of cars
The jealousy
The confusion with that Olive Garden moment
I was still gay
But we held each other down
You taught me to let go of my depression
I taught you to let go of your pretension
But I’m not even going to front
in the end
We were trying to grow without each other
But we kept coming back to love
I ignored you all that summer
Remember that night you got kicked out of my room for being too loud
Remember how I beat up Derrick when we found him
Those secrets baby that you took to your grave
Those secrets that you knew I was your man to the end
We met because your best friend liked me and thought I was gay
We met because I wore red fingernail polish
I told you were a bitch and we were friends since then
Remember 18
Remember 19
Remember being co-resident assistants
Remember 20
Remember 21, that’s when I took you to café adobe and you bought me a gift also
Remember 22, that was the nine inch nail concert
Remember my 21, that was the Alanis concert, I was the only black person there
Remember 23
Remember 24
Then September of 1999
This is second to last poem, I'm still holding you down baby girl. I still know our secrets.
I carried you to your father the day you fell.
I was there for your last breath.
No one knew you better than me.
I got pictures I will never show.
somedays, i can't help but take pictures if i'm motivated. i think i'm more of a photographer than model. i just like coming up with new themes and never making it the same. a lot of people show thier bodies or asses but none of them show in as many ways as i can. i like the fluid movement of a body. it always has to be creative and not vulgar. i'm not spreading my cheeks or jacking off. so if i'm naked, it's not about sex. it's for art. it's paying homage to the male body. but most men take nakedness as sex. that's cool. as long as they understand how nakedness can be soulful.
when i was growing up i had no childhood photos of me other than the generic photos they took for the school yearbooks, but my relatives never paid for them and that pissed me off. It made me confused that no one wanted to remember me. so it wasn't until i was in ninth grade that i could pay for my own image. so if there are people who think i'm vain, so be it, i just want to see me, even if it's me paying for it. i think i'm beautiful
I said i wasn't doing another photo essay but i can't help it, i like taking pics. and i don't try to be sexy, i just am walking sex.
I can't live for everybody
got to live my life for me
and nothing happened unless i decided
so I chose to be the best person i could be
and they didn't get it
said i was hustler
but even whores who endure get respect in the end
so how does the born loser wins
he never gives up
my past didn't dictate me
Every time i look at my comics i want to cry. A year and half lata and it's still alive. I now know god is good.
